I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
