what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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