went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the day after is always just damage control
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
