no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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