he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just invented taco cereal.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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