It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
