Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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