My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
ok first of all what the fuck
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
