I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
