how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
