wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
