I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
