Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
