actually, I'm a sock model
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize