He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
