Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
