I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
