My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
