Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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