I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
