yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
