The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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