either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize