I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
