he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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