I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
