I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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