Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
