Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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