Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
