Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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