Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You're like the curious george of whores
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
