I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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