have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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