had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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