her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
