Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
