I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
