you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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