I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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