we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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