Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
