just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
