His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
