I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think I have vodka in my lungs
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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