Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
