In the future we'll all be gay
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
