I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
