I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize