Soap is not a condiment
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sorry my hands just texted you
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
