he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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