this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
