i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
