I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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