We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
