I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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