Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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