this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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