I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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