i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
