It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
