i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
