how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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