I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
