I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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