I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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