If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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