I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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