Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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