He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
