ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
