the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
