i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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