I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize