You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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