trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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