Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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