Just fell off a train. Bad.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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