Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
