and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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