i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
