i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
