A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
