The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
