I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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