I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
