yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
