I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
