just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
