I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
