I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I need water and some morals
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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