Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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