So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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