woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
