if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
