Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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