I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
