I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
