Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize