drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
