I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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