I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
