Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm sobbing to NWA
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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