Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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