need another drink. this is the easiest way
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
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