True but thats because hes a fetus.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
