i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
