The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
