you guys were way drunker than both of me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
