I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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