I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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