...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
