Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
