So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
