if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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