i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
